Dead by 20

When I was 15 I met this extremely beautiful girl. She was half Hispanic and half white. She had beautiful jet black hair, dark eyes. Alicia was her name, and damn how beautiful she was. Ever Saturday, we would meet at Paradise Valley Mall where amongst other things, heavy making out took place. We would give each other hickeys. We would go to the movies just to make out. 

She was from Scottsdale and I was from South Phoenix which totally caused issues with her dad. He once told her that I would be dead y the time I turned 20. That was the attitude I got from rich snobs cause I was from a "poor family from the wrong side of the track". 

God she was beautiful. I daydream of her and the times we had together.I have recently been going through small bouts of depression, thinking of high school years. Even though I had many girlfriends, Alicia and Shannon are the two I always go back to.

I remember the first time I told Alicia that I loved her. We were at Castle & Coasters and we were on the water log ride. She was sitting in front of me and I was holding her. After the huge drop, I whispered to her that I loved her. I don't know why I stated it at that time. But I did. She responded in kind. That was the first time I told anyone I loved them. 

I went to a dance at her school once. First time I saw her in a dress and Jesus Christ was she smoking hot. Killer legs. She wore a black dress with black lace stockings. 

I went to her house for her birthday and met her friends. I don't think I was very well liked by her friends. The last time I saw her, was again a Saturday at PV Mall. We went to the school a ross the street and started making out. Dry humping, etc. I remember kissing her neck and moving down. I pushed her shirt down and reviled a black bra. I pulled the bra down and start kissing her right breast. God it was great.

We had to stop cause her ride was almost there at the mall. We kind of lost track of time.

She called me on Monday after school like she always did. During our conversation, she stated that that day she broke the law that day. I asked her what she did and she was like "don't worry about it". Me, being a stupid teen madly in love, I keep pressing her on it. She stated that she needs a few days and not to call her.

It was probably Thursday she calls me. She tells me she thinks we need to break up. She never gave me a real reason as to why. I can only assume I fucked up somewhere. I did ask her, since we are breaking up, what did you do the break the law? She stated smoking. That is what the "law" she broke. 

I was heart broken. My very first heart break. Like, the worst feeling I ever felt until my mom died. 

Years later I found her email and sent her an email. She seemed all happy when she responded to me. In my response, I apologize for whatever I did when we were younger and that pissed her off so much. She responded that she will no longer accept emails from me as they'll go directly to spam. Like, what exactly did I do to piss her off so much? 

I later found her on Facebook. There she was.  Married with children.

So here I am. Thinking of the past and hating myself for it...